A Mind Less Ordinary

He doesn't have a problem with drugs; he just doesn't get them
He's fine that his mates have tattoos, but he thinks they'll regret them
He likes going to pubs, but he hates it when the music's too loud
He tends not to go to rock concerts, 'cause he can't stand the crowds

But all he's ever wanted to be
Is a rock star on MTV
But he knows that it's not fucking likely
He just turned thirty

He know that he will always be
A rock and roll nerd
He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear
And though they won't be heard
He'll just keep writing, oh yeah

But you see the problem is
He always dreamt of being a star
But he learnt piano instead of guitar
Which, in the 90's, didn't get you very far

So all the kids were learning stairway
He was the piano to their forte
But he was convinced one day
He'd rock their fucking asses
Be an icon for the disenfranchised masses
Grow his hair long, and rebel against the state
But just for now, that'd have to wait
'cause he's running late for his morning classes

And he will always be
A rock and roll nerd
He'll keep playing gigs that no-one knows about
And though it sounds absurd
He'll just keep playin', oh yeah

But you see, the problem is
There's not much depth in what he's singin'
He's a victim of his upper-middle-class upbringin'
So he can't write about "the hood" or "bling bling"

So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead
To try and evoke some angst in his middle-class head
But the bitch is always fine at half-past nine when they go to bed

And he's not spent a single night in prison
He has no issues with nutrition
He has no drinking problem
And no drug addiction
Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken
And marijuana always tends to make him cough
He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off
And when he tries to act tough, you can tell he's trippin'

And while his mates all go out late
Popping pills and having fun
He goes home and showers, gets a good eight hours
He gets his thrills from his morning run
And while his mates all go on dates
Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Beam
He stays home and cooks, curls up with a book
With the girl he's had since he was seventeen

Because he's never really been part of the scene
Given Guns n Roses, he'll take Queen
He's more into Beatles than the Stones
He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones
And he's never owned a transit van
He never shot a Pantera fan
He doesn't know the diff'rence between metal and thrash
He couldn't tell you nothin' 'bout Axl and Slash

He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five
He knows all the words to Stayin' Alive
And though he wants to be all grungy and cool
He spent 11 years in a motherfuckin private school
So it don't matter how he tries, he cannot hide behind his rock and roll lies

Cause you've either got it or you don't
Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won't
Yeah, you've either got it or you don't
Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won't
You've either got it or you don't, don't ya know

He knows his music lacks depth, but it just can't be helped
He has nothing interesting to say, so he writes about himself
But he doesn't wanna seem self-obsessed
So he writes in third person
In an attempt to seem more rock and roll
But he suspects it's not working

And deep in his heart, he knows he
Will never be Bono or Bowie
And even if he was quite pretty
With small pants like Kylie

He knows that he will always be
A rock and roll nerd
He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about
And though it sounds absurd
He'll just keep writing
Oh yeah

You can criticise him
But he won't care...
Cause he wants to rock
And he will never be deterred
But he'll always be a fucked-up little try-hard wannabe rock and roll nerd